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Welcome to Courage Coach, where expert columnist Karin Hurt answers readers' tough leadership challenges with practical tools and techniques you can use right away. Have a question for her? Drop her a line!
Dear Courage Coach,
I don’t want to toot my own horn … but I’m pretty darn smart and make massive contributions to the team. The problem? My boss takes me for granted. Honestly, I think they have no idea all I do. How do I get them to value my work without sounding like a self-promoting jerk?
Signed,
Not Wanting to Toot, But Want Them to Give a Hoot
Dear “Not Wanting to Toot (and longing for a hoot),”
First off, let me just say, I love a respectfully delivered horn-tootin’ every now and then. Done well, it’s not bragging, it’s useful. You want your boss to see your strengths. But what if they’re oblivious? How do you get the recognition, support and advocacy you deserve without coming across as needy or, heaven forbid, arrogant?
Step 1: Embrace the Power of Curiosity (and Maybe Some Horn-Tootin’)
If your boss hasn’t yet seen your brilliance, it might be time to get curious about why. Hold off on frustration and instead, ask yourself: “What’s going on in that boss brain of theirs?” Here are a few places to start.
The ‘Tommy Syndrome’
Remember little Tommy from Rugrats? He was always more capable than anyone gave him credit for. If you’ve been with your company for a while, your boss might still see you as the “Tommy” who started, not the high-performing “Tom” you’ve become. Give them a gentle nudge to see the new, improved you.
The ‘Do They Get It?’ Dilemma
Sometimes, your genius is just too, well, genius-y for them to grasp. It might be technical, creative or simply outside their expertise. If your boss doesn’t “get” what you do, you may need to help them connect the dots.
I once had a boss who didn’t think I had the chops to lead a B2B sales team. Sure, my team was leading the nation in small and medium business sales, but Enterprise? Nah. I sometimes wonder if he follows me on LinkedIn and sees the work we do all over the world and thinks, “Oops.”
The ‘Overwhelm’ Syndrome
Your boss might be too busy or overwhelmed to notice your brilliance. If that’s the case, congratulations — you’ve just won the best-case scenario! An overwhelmed manager often craves help but doesn’t have the bandwidth to ask for it. This is where your subtle horn-tootin’ can really shine.
Related Article: How to Navigate the Relationship Between Recognition and Reward
Step 2: Get Curious About How You Can Grow
Sometimes, bosses aren’t completely clueless — they might see something you don’t. There could be areas where you need to improve before they can fully appreciate your gifts. Maybe you’ve got some blind spots or performance issues that need attention before they can see your sparkle. Showing curiosity about this not only shows your commitment to growth but also opens the door to some honest, productive conversations.
Step 3: Start the Conversation
You’ve done your homework, and now it’s time to chat. But how do you bring it up without sounding like you’re just blowing your own trumpet? Here are some conversation starters that can help you inspire your boss to see what you bring to the table:
- “I’m passionate about making a big impact here. What’s one way I can add even more value to the team?”
- “As we look ahead, what do you see as one of my biggest strengths to build on and one opportunity for growth?”
- “I’m curious — what would an extraordinary year look like for my role from your perspective? What’s one thing I’m doing that contributes to that, and what’s one thing I could tweak?”
- “What do you see as the top three strengths I bring to the team? How do you think I could contribute more in that area?”
Related Article: Courage Coach: How Do I Get Leadership to Notice My Team's Accomplishments?
Step 4: Use Strategic Stories to Showcase Your Genius
Once you’ve got their attention, it’s time to slip in some strategic storytelling. Share success stories that highlight your skills, but make it feel natural. If you’re great at turning around disgruntled customers, casually mention a recent success. If you’re proud of how you’ve developed your team, brag on your people — just a little.
For example: “I’ve got to tell you how awesome Paul is doing with his sales close rate. We’ve been focusing on his opening and closing statements, and he’s really nailed it!”
Step 5: Ask For What You Need (Because, Yes, You Deserve It)
Now that you’ve built a foundation with curiosity and strategic stories, it’s time to be a bit more direct:
- “I’d love to give you an opportunity to learn more about my team and the work that we do. Can we set up some time to do that?”
- “I’ve been working on [insert project here] and I know how important this is to our overall strategy. Can we carve out a few minutes in an upcoming staff meeting so I can give you and the team some updates?”
- “With all the remote work in the last few years, I wonder if we’re missing opportunities to really know one another and what we each bring to the team. What if I organized some time in an upcoming meeting where we could each talk about the biggest strength we bring to the team?”
- “I’ve always been proud of my ability to [insert skill here]. And, sometimes I don’t feel I get a chance to do that as much as I would like here. Do you see more opportunities for me to use that skill?”
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And when the time is right, you can get a bit more direct:
- “I’ve got to tell you, I think I’m pretty good at [insert skill]. I would love an opportunity to show you by [insert project or idea].”
- “I know you haven’t had much opportunity to see my ability to [insert skill]. What if I took on [a special project, a pilot of an idea]?”
- “I really think I’m ready for [insert next level]. What concerns would you have with me taking that on?”
When you feel like your boss just doesn’t “get it,” start with curiosity. Look for what might be blocking their view of your brilliance and ask the right questions. Then, share your stories and don’t be shy about tootin’ your horn — just a bit.
