Editorial
I’ve come back from paternity leave thinking a lot about power. Not just who has it, but how it’s used. And how, too often, organizations behave like parents.
What Organizational Parenting Looks Like
We usually talk about this through the lens of micromanagement: The overbearing boss. The hovering line manager. But that’s a narrow view. A much starker, yet subtler issue runs far deeper: a culture of organizational parenting, where the system itself plays the role of caretaker, defining what’s best for its people while keeping them dependent.
It’s less about individuals and more about design: a choreography of a family system disguised as management. In therapy circles, this would be called a parent–child dynamic. In organizations, it looks like this:
- You’re told not just what your job is, but what your value is.
- You’re invited to “grow,” but only into pre-approved spaces; never outside them.
- You’re praised when you hit your targets (“Well done, you’ve passed your class”), and trained when you don’t (“You’ll need more coaching before you move up”).
It’s a structure of dependence wrapped in the language of development. And for many employees, it is exhausting.
It infantilizes adults who are more than capable of thinking for themselves, and turns ambition into something that must be managed. It encourages compliance, not creativity; reassurance-seeking, not risk-taking. Organizations become policy-heavy, wielding reward charts for those who do what they’re asked to do without question or comment.
When you’re on the receiving end, it can feel like being grounded for wanting more. You can see the work that needs doing, the value you could create, but you’re told to wait until the “business case” allows it, much like asking a parent for permission to stay out past curfew.
The irony, of course, is that these same organizations preach empowerment and ownership. But ownership without autonomy isn’t empowerment. It’s performance.
What an Organization for Grown-Ups Looks Like (and How to Get There)
Psychological adulthood might be the most overlooked ingredient in the future of work.
As psychiatrist Eric Berne wrote, maturity happens when people meet in the Adult–Adult state, with honesty replacing performance and trust replacing surveillance. Business theorist Chris Argyris warned decades ago that systems built for obedience inevitably produce dependency. Yet here we are, mistaking parental care for good organizational culture.
So what might it look like to grow up?
Four things adult-focused organizations can do now to de-parentify themselves:
- Name the power. Be explicit about how authority operates; who decides what, and why. Pretending everything is “empowerment” only deepens dependency. Transparency is maturity. Consider a RACI, make HR policies transparent and deliver what is promised to employees.
- Invite contribution beyond role boundaries. Adults know where they add value. Allow people to cross functional lines without bureaucratic permission slips. Trust precedes innovation.
- Replace “development plans” with dialogue. Ask not “How do we shape you for us?” but “What are you trying to become, and how might that align here?” Development should be mutual, not paternalistic. Sometimes people need to leave; other times they need to know a role will be ready for them when they show capability in practice.
- Dismantle dependency loops. Promotions, projects and opportunities shouldn’t hinge on parental approval. Build mechanisms where capability and contribution speak louder than sponsorship or proximity.
Adulthood doesn’t reject structure. It redefines it.
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If organizations truly want creativity, engagement and innovation, they must stop parenting their people and start partnering with them. Because the workplace doesn’t need more children trying to please invisible parents: it needs adults building something worth belonging to.
Editor's Note: Read more thoughts on dysfunctional organizational dynamics below:
- Companies Are Not Families — Sometimes it's hard to reconcile actions with words.
- The High Cost of Talent Hoarding — Talent hoarding is on the rise, and it hurts everyone involved. Here’s what blocking an employee's advancement can cost you — and how to avoid it.
- Companies Don't Know Their Own Talent. AI Can Change That — Companies know less about their employees than LinkedIn does. That's a problem.
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