Editorial
The first time I was written off as a dinosaur in the tech industry, I was a mere 38. I'd criticized a fintech firm's ill-thought-out advertising campaign in a couple of tweets. That company's techbro head of communications responded by publicly calling out me and a journalist friend — a woman in her 40s — accusing us of being out-of-touch.
Our criticism was mild, but was more than fair. The FT, the Guardian and many industry commentators had responded in far stronger terms.
So what was it about my criticism of a multi-billion-dollar company that made me a target for harassment? And why did our techbro focus on my age as a marker of incompetence? Could it, by chance, be because I've got both opinions and two X chromosomes?
50 Is the New 40. Or Is It?
Workplaces were designed with men’s career trajectories in mind, and older men are often seen as "distinguished" or experienced. In contrast, women in their 40s may be caught in a difficult phase, where we’re considered too young for senior leadership but no longer fitting the image of youthful dynamism that some industries — particularly tech — desire.
Some years ago, I was on the interview panel for an organization recruiting a Head of Digital. The panel were tied on the final two candidates. One, a hugely qualified 40-something woman with a PhD in a relevant field and bags of experience. The other, a competent 30-something man with a full head of hair and some AllBirds. On paper, and in person, they weren't even close.
"She's good but maybe not a digital native" remarked one of the fellow panelists.
"Really?" I asked, struggling to contain my rage, "What is it about her decade of experience managing complex digital programs that gives you that impression?"
"I just think he might shake things up a bit," he replied. Thankfully, he was overruled by everyone else on the panel.
As my anger subsided it struck me how perfectly this illustrated tech's age and gender problem. Beauty standards, workplace biases, cultural gender expectations and biological changes all intersect at this critical age so that men are seen as tech leaders, while women are frequently written off or overlooked.
Younger men in tech are given the benefit of the doubt, imbued with potential for innovation and disruption, while the industry has a not-entirely-unconscious bias against grey hairs and laughter lines.
Arguably workers in their 40s and 50s are the true digital natives. We hit the workforce just as digital was beginning to make an impact, but while it still required knowledge of how it all works. Many of us were key players in making businesses digital-first — only to now be overlooked by people who have grown up as consumers and users of tech.
So what's driving that bias, and what can we do about it?
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Career Milestones and Gender Bias
Research shows that women start to experience ageism as early as their 40s, due to a combination of societal beauty standards, workplace biases, cultural gender expectations and biological changes, all of which intersect at this critical age. While ageism affects all older workers, the experience is particularly harsh for women due to "gendered ageism," where both age and gender-based discrimination overlap, in that intersectionality third wave feminists warned us about.
The irony is in the years leading up to that point, women are viewed as too young to be taken seriously. Our professional primes fit in the very brief window between the two.
Many women in professional roles hit their career peak or leadership positions around this age, but they also encounter systemic biases, resulting in compounded discrimination. As women approach middle age, they are often seen as "past their prime" in certain industries, especially if they are seeking leadership roles. Employers might start favoring younger, "up-and-coming" employees — just as I witnessed.
Women around 40 also face ageism linked to motherhood. If they have children, they're assumed to prioritize family over career. Women are also expected to be primary caregivers for both children and elderly relatives, reinforcing this assumption.
Or if — like me — you're childless, you find yourself judged for that too.
Related Article: Why Women May Not Want to Advance Their Careers Within Your Organization
Beauty and Biology
Society places a high value on youth, especially for women, equating physical attractiveness with youthfulness. Around the age of 40, many women are perceived as moving out of the "prime" age bracket in terms of societal beauty ideals. This is particularly pronounced in industries like tech, where youth is valued over experience.
A Harvard Business Review survey of executives found that 64% of employers viewed younger-looking employees as more adaptable and better able to handle new technologies, which translated into better promotion prospects. Older-looking employees were perceived as less adaptable, reducing their chances for career advancement.
It's no surprise, then, that workers are troubled by visible signs of aging, such as wrinkles, grey hair or weight gain. Many older workers — men as well as women — feel pressured to have cosmetic procedures (like Botox or fillers) to maintain a youthful appearance and continue to meet workplace expectations in 'young' industries. The injectables market has been growing at a rate of 10% a year.
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During the pandemic "professional appearance" briefly went on pause while salons and offices were shuttered. Research by Atlassian in the early weeks of the first lockdown showed that freed from pressure to look the part, women felt more able to focus on doing their jobs, with half of all women reporting an increase in confidence as a result.
Sweatpants, messy ponytails and unmanicured nails were the order of the day, leading some to ask if this could prove a turning point in unequal beauty standards.
Alas, it proved not to be the case. While working from home has changed work wardrobes for good, the pressure of seeing your own face on camera all day led to an immediate bounce-back in cosmetic procedures, with rates rising fastest among those in their 20s.
While Botox and box dyes can hide the external effects of aging, it's in our 40s that we begin experiencing physical changes associated with aging, such as perimenopause. Changes in energy levels or appearance are viewed through a negative lens in industries like tech, which idealize a (largely fictional) hustle culture.
Ageism doesn't affect us all equally. Bias is amplified or mitigated by factors such as race, socioeconomic status and sexuality. Women of color may face compounded discrimination that includes both racism and ageism, while women from wealthier backgrounds might have more resources to resist ageist pressures but still experience societal ageism.
Related Article: False Positives: Consider Intersectional Identities Before You Claim DEI Victory
Status Anxiety
The impact of ageism on women in their 40s is profound, both emotionally and professionally. Increased stress, loss of self-confidence and feelings of exclusion are just some of the consequences. Many women overwork to compensate or modify their appearance to appear more youthful. That in turn can lead to burnout, diminished mental health and a lack of career satisfaction.
In "Status Anxiety," philosopher Alain de Botton explores the human desire for social status and the anxieties that arise from it. He argues that much of modern unhappiness stems from the fear of not measuring up to societal expectations of success.
De Botton traces how this anxiety has deep historical roots but has intensified in modern society where personal worth is often equated with material success. The pressure to compare oneself to others is a significant source of unease. Women in their 40s may feel particularly vulnerable to this, comparing their career trajectories to male peers or younger colleagues who might be advancing faster, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
I'm in this odd position where professionally I've never had it so good — my consultancy business is thriving — yet I'm increasingly aware of the material consequences of aging, of being past my prime. Much as I'd love to say I don't care, the world I live in and the industry I work in won't let me.
Faced with that anxiety, some women choose to step back and become less visible. Research indicates that women may avoid asserting themselves to reduce the risk of being perceived as "pushy." This strategy, known as "intentional invisibility," helps some women avoid conflict but exacerbates the problem of being overlooked for leadership roles and career advancement
But while de Botton advocates overcoming loss of status by redefining success in more personal, meaningful terms — find value in love, friendship, art and philosophy — I champion a different, less passive approach.
Related Article: Ageism Doesn't Spare Any Worker — Even Presidents
Superpowers and Stealth
If we refuse to hide or accept invisibility, we can advocate for ourselves, and show what a critical role middle-aged folks play in our industry. It's time to reject conflict-avoidance strategies, and to confidently claim credit for the value we bring.
I like to think about becoming 'invisible' as I age as a superpower. Just as a superhero with an invisibility cloak can move unseen, refusing to accept ageism allows you to bypass the stereotypes and biases that others might have about age. When you don’t internalize these limiting beliefs, you move freely, unseen by the constraints of societal expectations.
A superhero with an invisibility cloak can adapt to different situations by operating unseen when necessary and stepping into visibility when it's needed.
By rejecting ageism, you cloak yourself in confidence and make superficial markers of aging irrelevant. You're free to focus on your work, skills and talents without being reduced to your appearance or age.
Confidence becomes your shield. You empower yourself to take on challenges and pursue opportunities that might have seemed off-limits.
Just like a superhero whose actions may go unnoticed at first, your refusal to accept ageism might not always be seen immediately, but over time, your courage and defiance inspire others. Your defiance of ageism becomes a beacon for others who face similar struggles. Your actions help dismantle the ageist norms in your workplace and encourage others to embrace their abilities, regardless of age.
Your refusal to accept ageism allows you to navigate the workplace without the weight of others' expectations or assumptions. Making moves based on your own goals and desires, rather than allowing others to define your path or hold you back.
You can develop your career, acquire new skills or transition into leadership roles without being held back by what others think an "older" employee should or shouldn't do.
Adaptability is our superpower. Let's continually reinvent ourselves. Let's refuse to become invisible, but instead choose when and how to make our impact felt.
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