Editorial
Welcome to Courage Coach, where expert columnist Karin Hurt answers readers' tough leadership challenges with practical tools and techniques you can use right away. Have a question for her? Drop her a line!
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Dear Courage Coach,
My boss is a micromanager, the ultimate “boss-splainer.” It’s like having my GPS tell me how to turn the steering wheel when I’ve already aced the parallel park. Here’s the thing: I respect him. He’s technically savvy and quite smart. But frankly, so am I. How do I get him to leave me alone and let me do my job?
Signed,
Tired of the Boss-Splaining
Dear Over-Splained,
I’m sorry, and I get it. No one wants to work for a boss-splainer.
If it helps, you’re in good company. Every week, I hear stories about over-involved managers frustrating people all over the world, telling them what to do, slowing them down and getting in the way.
Do you know what’s interesting? When I get the other side of the story, I sometimes hear an equally common frustration from these micromanaging, boss-splainers.
For example.
Mark thinks his boss Roy is a micromanaging, boss-splainer and he’s tired of the constant intervention. When I talk with Roy, he describes a bunch of times Mark dropped the ball and other performance challenges that led Roy to get involved when he’d rather not. Roy’s boss is also starting to notice and has told him to “fix Mark.” Roy cares about Mark, so he jumps right in. Which only makes Mark mad, and even more determined to resist the “help.”
Mark and Roy are two highly frustrated, well-intentioned people wishing they could “fix” the situation, but with radically different views on what’s wrong.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. You could be doing just fine, and your boss really is over-involved. So how do you know if you’re dealing with a micromanager, or if your boss is just trying to help?
Signed,
You’re Dealing with a Micromanager
First, observe how your manager interacts with others. If they're checking on every teammate like a hyperactive drone, they might just be a bona fide micromanager. But if you’re the only one getting the special treatment, they could be genuinely concerned about your success.
Here are a few signs your boss is a micromanager:
- They need to know where everyone is at every moment.
- This “need to know” creates constant engagement, check-ins, and interruptions about relatively unimportant issues.
- They insist on doing tasks others could do themselves.
- When they do delegate, they don’t describe the outcome — they tell you how to do every step.
- They insist you copy them on all your correspondence and include them in every meeting even when it doesn’t add value for them or others.
How to Start the Conversation With Your Micromanaging Boss
If you’ve read this far and are thinking, “yup, I’ve got a micromanager on my hands,” here are a few conversation starters to broach the topic with them.
“I care about our success and want to make sure I’m doing my part.”
One of the best ways to start these conversations is by affirming your commitment to the team and the work. Getting this intention into the conversation opens the door for a productive conversation.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve … [describe the controlling behavior objectively].”
Sometimes, drawing attention to the facts is all it takes to help a stressed-out manager amend their behavior — or to take the time to explain what’s on their mind.
Examples:
- I’m noticing that you’ve asked for an update on that project five times in the last two hours.
- I’ve noticed you’re walking me through the steps of this process that I’ve done many times before.
- I know that you’ve asked to be included in all our team huddles when we’re debriefing progress and today’s assignments. When you join these meetings, people don’t speak up or share their ideas like they do when you’re not around.
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Follow up with a question that allows mutual room for improvement.
After you describe the objective facts, ask a question that creates space for both of you to learn or grow. These questions allow the manager to share genuine concerns, but also leads them to reflect on why they are micromanaging. Once their concerns are out in the open, you can address it.
Examples (combined with the “I’ve noticed …” statements):
- I’m noticing that you’ve asked for an update on that project five times in the last two hours. How can I help get you what you need so you’re confident and I can focus on getting it done?
- I’ve noticed you’re walking me through the steps of this process that I’ve done many times before. Have I missed something that’s causing you concern?
- I know that you’ve asked to be included in all our team huddles when we’re debriefing progress and today’s assignments. Do you have a concern about how I’m leading those meetings or our project status?
Related Article: Courage Coach: How to Stop One Person From Dominating Virtual Meetings
Ask Your Micromanager for What You Want (With Their Concern in Mind)
Once you’re aware of your manager’s concern (or established they don’t have one and are only acting out of habit), it’s time to ask for what you want.
Examples:
- “I’m hearing that the EVP is requesting frequent updates because the Board is concerned about our progress. Can I make a commitment to brief you in writing on Wednesdays and in writing and verbally on Friday before lunch? We’ll be able to make faster progress if we’re not pulling up to provide frequent updates.”
- “When we do these projects, can we focus on what a successful outcome will achieve and any specific criteria that need to be met? I’ll ensure the team achieves them. For the first one, how about we do a one-week progress check so you’re confident of where we’re going?”
- “I want to try leading two weeks of huddles on my own so we can focus on peer-solution-sharing. Can you and I set up a quick meeting at the end of each week to see if you have any concerns and make sure we’re on track?”
Your micromanager boss might be stressed, insecure, victim to a bad role model in their leadership development — or they might be giving you the genuine training and help you need to succeed. After you honestly assess your performance and feel confident that you’re doing what you know to do, a conversation can help you both.
You’ll either learn about your manager’s performance concerns and how to be more effective — or you’ll help the two of you navigate an improved relationship that improves both of your lives.
And yes, with a couple of these conversations, you’ll also discover if you’re working with a manager who doesn’t want to stop micromanaging. When this happens, you have a foundation for making other career decisions.
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