Editorial
It’s 8:45 a.m. and your harried manager speedwalks past you and a few colleagues, who are chatting before the day begins. The boss gives a brief nod as they head toward their office, eyes down, shoulders slumped, arms full of files, laptop and a large coffee.
You’re new to the company, so you gesture toward your retreating manager, and say, “The boss must be really busy today.” One of your coworkers smiles slightly and replies, “No, they’re just an arrogant jerk. They were promoted a few months ago, and they don’t have time for the ‘little people’ any more.”
I’m betting this scenario is familiar, either because you’ve had a manager like this or because you’ve been that overwhelmed boss. Obviously, the example illustrates a lack of time management skills, but it also shows a failure of effective communication. By avoiding the office small talk, the boss missed an opportunity to foster better working relationships with their team.
Good leaders are by definition good communicators. Managers have to explain assignments, priorities and strategies to their team. They have to give feedback, highlighting stellar performances and correcting imperfect outcomes. Leaders set goals and inspire others to take action. However, many forget that effective communication involves more than just telling people what to do.
Small Talk, Big Results
Highly effective leaders use their conversation skills to build relationships with colleagues and employees, making time to ask about their personal struggles and triumphs. Even in virtual meetings, leaders should spend a few minutes asking how everyone is doing and what is going on in their lives. More than idle chit-chat, these casual conversations generate feelings of belonging and contribute to team cohesion.
During all of their conversations, effective leaders strive to understand the other person and their lived experience. They use inclusive language that shows respect for others and a commitment to honor their individuality. Effective leaders also cultivate an open and inclusive workplace culture where everyone's voice is heard and diverse viewpoints are respected.
Employees who know that their manager takes an interest in their personal lives are also more willing to share challenges that can affect the efficiency of the team. Knowing, for example, that a member of the team has a young child or an aging relative makes it easier for a manager to anticipate scheduling changes. While some personal struggles shouldn’t be shared in a group setting, having an empathetic boss makes it easier for team members to privately disclose anything that might temporarily affect their performance. That way, leaders and their direct reports can collaborate on solutions.
Demonstrating empathy can be challenging for leaders, especially as showing a personal interest in employees’ lives hasn’t always been a business priority. However, research from Catalyst and other studies have shown the importance of empathy in today’s workplace, including its role as “an important driver of employee outcomes such as innovation, engagement, and inclusion.” One of the best ways to communicate authentic empathy is to share personal stories and experiences.
Related Article: Can You Teach Empathy?
Harness the Power of Personal Stories
Inclusive leaders are willing to share personal experiences that demonstrate their empathy with others. Leaders don’t have to share every intimate detail about themselves, but there are times when being vulnerable can help bridge a difficult topic or generate trust among colleagues.
Some months ago, a member of my team told me that she was feeling quite anxious about an upcoming presentation. I knew exactly what she was feeling. My first big speaking engagement had been years before, and I vividly remembered how nervous I was. I shared my experience with her, revealing that I still sometimes get butterflies in my stomach before speaking events, but nerves don’t stop me from sharing my expertise and perspectives. I also told her that I was confident in her abilities, and I was positive she would do a great job. Reassured, she was then able to focus on preparing for the presentation.
This moment of empathy and sharing of experiences was more than a comforting pep talk; it accomplished a number of objectives. First, I normalized her feelings so she could stop being distracted by them and focus instead on preparation. Second, I was able to communicate my confidence in her more effectively with a story than merely saying that I knew she could do it. Third, this exchange of stories generated feelings of safety, connection and trust between us. Later, I attended her presentation, and she told me how reassured she felt when she saw me in the audience.
Trust Leads to Better Business Outcomes
Storytelling is also one of the most powerful ways individuals with diverse identities can connect around complex topics and better understand each other’s perspectives. Recently, a colleague and I were collaborating on a piece of content about effective leadership, and her feedback revealed an assumption that I didn’t realize I was making.
As a Black woman professional, I know that my performance and disposition have, throughout my career, been held to a higher standard to achieve reasonable professional outcomes. Because I have had to be exceptional throughout my career, that is the standard that I hold leaders to. I view reliability, accountability and performance as non-negotiable for effective leaders.
My colleague is an White woman in her late 50s, and she suggested that reliability and performance can fluctuate for leaders — often through no fault of their own – and all the hard work in the world won’t help them. In particular, she shared that many menopausal women leaders face challenges in the workplace, particularly on how they deal with stress. In order to address the gender gap in executive leadership, she explained, it was important to name the physical challenges of women leaders and address them without judgment.
My colleague and I have worked together for years and collaborated on many projects. Our trusting relationship has been cultivated through countless small conversations. Because of our history, I know that she will give me the hard feedback that serves as a check on my unconscious bias, just as I do the same for her. Our relationship and our mutual respect elevate our work and create better business outcomes.
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Related Article: Here’s What Inclusive Leaders Do to Build More Confident Individuals and Teams
For Better Relationships, Embrace the Small Talk
Effective communication can be challenging, and it can be especially difficult in the modern workplace with hybrid teams, rapidly changing priorities and external pressures. Along with sharing personal experiences and stories, leaders should make time in their busy schedules to connect with their team members.
It can be tempting to see office chatter and small talk as a waste of valuable time. However, I encourage every leader and manager to see these conversations as team-building exercises or micro-investments in employee engagement. When you show that you care about your employees, your whole team will become more productive and you may even have more time.
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