How to Manage Difficult Behavior in an Online Meeting

People in the virtual meeting started to tune out when Pete once again began to pontificate. By the time Jenny steered the conversation down an achingly long and off-topic path, everyone had completely checked out. Meanwhile, the meeting leader wondered why participants were refusing to engage in conversation.

Dysfunctional behaviors like Pete's and Jenny's are hard enough to deal with when you’re sitting in the same room. But when meetings are virtual, it can be tricky and awkward for meeting leaders to intervene, refocus and redirect the conversation in a way that’s respectful, assertive and helpful.

Below are some quick tips to help you handle a few of the most common problem behaviors that derail virtual meetings. Each example of problematic behavior is followed by sample dialogue you can modify based on your relationship to the group and to the person demonstrating the problematic behavior, and your own personal communication style. While it can often be easier to address the whole group, there will be times where you have no choice but to address the offending person directly.

How to Recognize and Respond to Problematic Behavior During Online Meetings

Problem Behavior 1: Unprepared for Every Meeting

This person comes unprepared to every meeting and asks you to catch them up while others wait.

• “We’re just about to dive into a conversation related to the pre-work I sent out last week. For anyone who didn’t read it, I have copies here (or have pasted the URL here, if a virtual meeting), so you can review as other people share their ideas. As soon as you’re ready to contribute to the conversation, please jump in.”
• “I’m concerned that if I stop to review the content for those who didn’t do the prework, we’ll lose too much time in the agenda. You can take a few minutes off to the side to review the content, and we’ll go ahead and start with those who are prepared to share their ideas.”

Related Article: 8 Ways to Make Virtual Meetings More Engaging

Problem Behavior 2: The Multitasker Who Doesn't Pay Attention

The persistent multitasker is easily spotted because they're the one who asks everyone to repeat the question.

• “Jim, your perspectives and experiences are vital for this conversation. The last few times we asked for your opinion, we had to repeat the question as you were typing something. I’m concerned we’re missing out on hearing your ideas. If we can have your undivided attention for the next 10 minutes, we can probably end the meeting a few minutes early. Is that possible?"
• “To everyone who might be trying to juggle multiple things during this meeting, I’ve noticed that we’re losing time when we have to keep repeating ourselves to get your attention. If this keeps happening, we may need another meeting to accomplish our goals. How about if we give everyone 60 seconds of silent time to send that final email or text, and then let’s all fully focus on our conversation?”
• “This might be a good time to revisit our meeting norms we agreed upon earlier, especially the one about staying fully focused and participating on our conversation."

Problem Behavior 3: The Pontificator

We all have been on a meeting with this one: it's the dominant speaker with no off-switch.

• “At the start of the meeting, we had discussed the importance of balanced participation and making sure that all voices are heard. I’m concerned that we haven't heard from a number of important perspectives yet, and others we’ve heard a lot from. This is a good time to stop and ask: What does ‘balanced participation’ look and sound like to you? Anyone want to start?”
• “Pete, I am sorry to have to interrupt, but I notice that there are many people we have yet to hear from. You’ve brought some great ideas to the table and certainly have experiences we can all learn from. Who would like to build on Pete's ideas, or who might have a different viewpoint to share? Sam, can we go to you next?”
• “Pat, I apologize for jumping in here. I appreciate the passion and energy you have for this topic, but we’re running out of time and still have a lot to get through. Can we talk after this meeting about some ways you can share your ideas another time — perhaps in a future meeting, or by directing us to some helpful resources? Marianne, what thoughts came up for you as Pat was speaking?”
• “Jake, sorry if I am cutting you off here, but we need to make sure we hear from others. Before we do, I want to make sure we understand your key points, which I will summarize here.”

Related Article: Courage Coach: How to Stop One Person From Dominating Virtual Meetings

Problem Behavior 4: Tuned Out

People who have disengaged (or who were never engaged in the first place) need to be brought back into the fold. 

• “I’m concerned that there are a number of important viewpoints we haven’t heard yet. Dave, I remember you relayed your experience about a similar situation last time we spoke. Can you share some lessons learned that we might all benefit from?”
• “I notice that a few of you have said very little since we began, and I am not sure what to make of it. It might be that the topic doesn't feels relevant to you, or my questions have been unclear or maybe you are juggling multiple priorities. I want to make sure everyone feels that this meeting is a good use of your time. Lori, would you mind if I start with you to ask: What could make this meeting more engaging/relevant for you? I’ll be asking everyone, and you can pass if you like.”
• “Let’s take a minute to go around the virtual room to ask everyone to fill in the blank with just one or two words: If I could change just one thing about XXXX, it would be _________. I will give you a moment to think of an answer, and I will start with Ellen. We can skip you if you’re not ready and come back to you later, if you like.”

Keep Your Virtual Meetings on Track

No matter how thoughtfully you design your virtual meetings to keep people engaged, something (or someone) is bound to take it off track at some point.

If you know your participants, consider their “typical” behaviors, and have an intervention ready. If you don’t know your participants, be ready with interventions that can work well in a variety of situations. One of the best ways to stop dysfunctional behavior from sabotaging your virtual meeting: Agree on a set of meeting norms up front, and discuss the specific behaviors that will support your collective ability to achieve virtual meeting goals. That way, if you have to intervene, it becomes a much easier conversation.

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